Stupid Fat Hobbit

peter-jackson-and-martin-freeman-on-the-hobbit-an-unexpected-journey-video-interviews-124025-00-470-75

~ ITEM: The Abomination of “Desolation”: Two Hobbit-Related Lists

~ ITEM: Aragorn is back, and he is as full of wisdom and insight as we might expect

~ ITEM: My Father’s “Eviscerated” Work – Son Of Hobbit Scribe J.R.R. Tolkien Finally Speaks Out

~ THE LOVE is over, Peter. It’s not me, it’s you.

I’m an olden-tymes nerd who saw Star Wars 13 times that first Summer of 1977. I was taught to listen & read via the Hobbit (thanks, Mom!). I’ve read or listened to the trilogy 50 times at least. I’m not hardcore in my nerd-cred any more, because I have a life, and don’t want to be 14 forever, and want to read real books and stuff.

I do take books and stories and imagination and the truth found there very seriously, which is why– as I’ve said before– Jackson is neither educated enough, deep-souled enough, or humble enough to tell all these stories properly. He’s too self-esteemy, modern, and clever (in the bad sense). It’s not about sticking to every jot and tittle of a sometimes uneven children’s novel– it’s about the story, and letting that story tell itself.

Binks is not amused.

Binks is not amused.

Tolkien Advantage

Here’s the thing: if my re-writing the movie, plot, dialogue, humour, and adding missed moments is happening during my first watching of a movie, it’s bad. Like “tear-my-eyes-out-and-hit-my-head-until-I-forget” bad. Star Wars: The Phantom Menace bad. “Oh look, there’s a decent few minutes of decent story & acting, but what fresh hell comes next?” bad.

Mr. Jack$on– like George Luca$– was at his best in the first and second films of the original trilogy, when it was a new thing, hard work, and massive riches didn’t corrupt the whole project… as it did by Return Of The King. The fall of the Dark Lord Lucas is a cautionary tale– a visionary young man who bucked the tide, who then became a hawker of stuff, and the new tide, and a bully-boy to boot. Look At My Works, Ye Mighty….

Enter The Hobbit

The Hobbit films are like a caffeine-jaggled finger-painting of a Michaelangelo masterwork, and the greatest artistic crime of all is very simple: it’s just not Tolkien. Not at heart, via the art, subtlety, small touches, the lived-in small scale of ordinary people making a big difference.

So we’ve got two strikes, and the third debacle incoming– ‘The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies‘ on December 17th, 2014.

Thusfar, I’m titling them so: Indiana Baggins And the Goblins of Doom; Bilbo and The Big Chatty Dragon. The third trainwreck.. hmm… Orcses, Orcses, and Even More Effing Orcses.. with a side-order of digital nazgul, Mordor, Sauron, elves, love-triangles, fart-jokes, recycled Lord Of The Rings trilogy-bits, and– no doubt– more cameos and new characters to completely distort the whole thing, because the greater-than JRR geniuses Peter, Fran, and Philippa are very very pleased with what they’ve worked up. Yawn.  Cha-Ching.

Not So Much

Get stuffed, Mr. Jackson. OK, you’re now rich as Croesus, and made New Zealand a tourist destination.

You’ve also screwed over the author, the true fans, and in these Hobbit movies, left your defecatory filmic efforts in history forever. Hopefully, some day, a reverential and moving film (even two) about Tolkien’s The Hobbit will be made, and people can see Tolkien clearly, and be truly enchanted & re-enchanted, and not simply overwhelmed and left feeling empty.

Because $$$.

~ Binks

Hobbit III.  Just in time for Christmas? Bah, humbug.

Hobbit III. Just in time for Christmas? Bah, humbug.

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Comments

  • John Smith  On May 15, 2014 at 9:47 pm

    defecatory = coprophrenic

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