The Contest Thusfar


Dear Ever-Growing Army of Pre-Dead Minions:

Happy Easter, everybody!

The cheerful chaos that is teh interwebs keeps breaking forth; and endless evidence that conservatively minded people are smart, the most fun, and generous, too. MORE PRIZES!

– This is’s 100K visitor contest!

– We have a wide range of donated & awesome Glittering Prizes, kindly donated to the contest by the authors in question ….

(1) GRAND PRIZE: A donated Steyn Super 5-Pack of Books, personally autographed to the winner: 1 copy each of America Alone, Mark Steyn’s Passing Parade, Mark Steyn From Head To Toe, The Face Of The TigerAmerican Songbook and Mark Steyn’s .

(2) SECOND PRIZES: an autographed copy of Jonah Goldberg’s Liberal Fascism: The Secret History of the American Left, From Mussolini to the Politics of Meaning, and (3) World War IV: The Long Struggle Against Islamofascism, autographed by Norman Podhoretz; donated by the Binky his own self.

(3) THIRD PRIZES: donated & autographed to the winner– Kathy Shaidle’s two dead tree books: Lobotomy Magnificat (GG shortlist 1997) and God Rides a Yamaha, plus a download of Acoustic Ladyland!

(4) FOURTH PRIZE: a donated & autographed to the winner copy of journalist & blogger Deb Gyapong’s hit book, The Defilers.

(5) FIFTH PRIZE: a donated & autographed copy of writer Denyse O’Leary‘s signed, hardcover of The Spiritual Brain and a soft cover copy of By Design or by Chance?

(6) SIXTH PRIZE: A pie to the face and trip to the HRC tribunal of your choice, courtesy of Richard “Maximum Damage” Warman. Years of fun, humiliation and stress, at your expense!

We’re looking for

(a) a great t-shirt idea for, or

(2) a fine bit of poetical verse, or

(iii) a song about the Ezra-Mark-CRHC situation

(d) any LOL-HRC pictures, in the style of

(e) Whatever else amusing your pure talent can devise.

(6) Even liberals are welcome to join, as long as your entry is actually funny.

We’ll winnow the entries down to the top few, and let the howling rabble that reads this website choose the first, second, and third prize.. plus honourable mention– or maybe we’ll let our very close, close personal friends Mark Steyn and Ezra choose… hmmm. We’ll let you know.

Please spread the word: Enter text via the comments below, or else via the e-mail address below. Deadline: April 15th. Enter as often as you wish, but best efforts only.

Any questions?


P.S. — Despite the proliferation of prizes, there will not be prizes of everyone; this means that some will be winners and some non-winners losers– and that the contest is based on talent, and not all are equally talented in the ways required to win top prizes. Get over it. This website is no part of a liberal paradise, with forced equality of outcomes, and gold stars for everyone, because ‘everyone is special’. Everyone is beloved of God, and a child of God, but that’s a different matter entirely.


64 thoughts on “The Contest Thusfar

  1. I expected to win this contest on the basis of my good looks; but I think I find you’re demanding that I prove yet again that I’m also smart and funny. Yeah, I can do all that, but it makes me wonder, in doing so, why I can never get a date. You gotta admit, that just ain’t fair. If I were a liberal I’d have it made. I could blame it on the Joooos. No, not here, obviously. Expect a letter from my lawyer if I decide to vote for Bob Rae any time soon. Meanwhile, out comes the slide rule and compass so I can concoct a really nifty joke.

  2. Sayeth the CHRC:
    Thou shalt not mosque thy neighbour’s religion.
    But if thou so doest … WE know where you hide your shekels!

  3. My various ideas for slogans, T-shirt logos, or bumper stickers:

    Bloodthirsty medieval heathens have rights too!

    Down with Mark Steyn. End discrimination against bloodthirsty medieval killers.

    Mark Steyn — unfair to medieval killer heathens.

  4. Richard Warman wins Huge Human Rights Case for Adolf Hitler! *Note

    In a stunning dramatic legal victory today, Adolf Hitler won his big legal case in the Human Rights Commission. Throngs of anxious Human Rights advocates welcomed the definitive ruling. The prosecution team was aptly led by famous Canadian lawyer, Richard Warman, one of our most vocal and successful attorneys, who has personally filed 48% of all cases in Canada (in section 13.1 Internet hate crimes.) Armed with this formidable experience, Richard eloquently and successfully argued the legal case to the presiding Judge.

    Richard brilliantly took legal precedents of many various commission rulings, and in particular utilized the principle argument that “TRUTH IS NOT A DEFENCE.” All that matters, is that Adolf Hitler’s feelings were sincerely hurt by repeated defamation, and was clearly denied all respect and dignity. Hitler himself, tearfully testified, “That sometimes he doesn’t feel really serene, and occasionally sobs and cries when he thinks about all the bad things people have said about him.” He emotionally explained, It makes him feel, “sad ,unwanted and even excluded!”

    Readers must remember that:

    It doesn’t matter that Adolf was a megalomaniac dictator.
    It doesn’t matter that he murderously suppressed opposition.
    It doesn’t matter that Adolf ordered the invasion of every country around Germany.
    It doesn’t matter that he was directly, and indirectly responsible for 30 million deaths.

    TRUTH IS NOT A DEFENCE, in a Human Rights Commission. All that matters, is that Hitler’s feelings were really hurt, causing him immeasurable “PAIN AND SUFFERING.” Freedom of Speech is not a right in Canada. Our Charter Rights of: thought, belief, opinion, or expression are essentially suspended if anyone’s feelings are hurt for whatever reason. Thus, only “nice” opinions are permitted. Richard correctly argued that Nazis are in fact, a racial, political and religious organization that is rightly and fairly protected under Human Rights Legislation. The Act outlaws discrimination (or criticism) against any identifiable racial or religious group. Nazis are singularly identifiable, even more so than most religions. In particular, any internet postings that create, generate or show ANY POSSIBLE feelings of “hatred or contempt” are solid grounds for legal action.

    Richard noted, that his client, Adolf, now suffers from acute “Post Dictatorial Syndrome,” has severe recurring headaches, endures serious low self esteem issues and must see a professional psychiatrist once a month. Adolf’s feelings were really, truly hurt by the multitudes of hateful postings, un-nice movies and critical documentaries about him. Richard declared passionately, “Only a strong policy of maximum disruption, and significant monetary compensation, can alleviate the genuine “hurt and pain” suffered by his poor, excluded and misunderstood client.

    As a result, the Judge ordered “lifetime internet bans” on liberals for any negative political commentary about Hitler, Nazis and various anti-Semitic political groups. The Judge will rule on financial compensation later next week.

    *Note: this article is intended to be parody.

  5. T-shirt ideas.

    (Canadian Flag background) “we’ll tell you what to think!” (Free Mark logo).

    Campaign idea: Develop the “Mark” name a la “Madonna”. Make it iconic.
    The campaign will be mysterious at first (Who is Mark) but word of mouth will create the first blog sensation.

  6. A T-shirt –

    Featuring the iconic “Woodstock Poster” with the following text replacing the existing wording:

    The HRC
    Canada 2008

    3 DAYS
    & LEVANT
    “Give Thought Police a Chance”

    and have the dove on the guitar gagged (and maybe even blindfolded)

  7. Pingback: Free Mark Steyn!
  8. Here’s my one word entry that will work neatly as a bumper sticker, or T-Shirt, or even as a song, if the word is repeated often enough in varying pitch:


  9. Five entries for the tshirt

    1.) “The safest road to Hell is the gradual one – the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.” – Screwtape

    2.) “Quoth the raven, ‘nevermore'” – Poe

    3.) No good deed goes unpunished. – George Holland

    4.) Never give counsel to your fears – Stonewall Jackson

    5.) Picture of Porky Pig with the words “HRC vs Steyn: Where’s the pork?” under it… meaning there is “no beef” in the HRC’s complaint, but makes a “subtle” dig at Muslims sensibilities in the process. (btw… on You-tube, look up +”Porky Pig” +”Alibaba” for a really insensitive Looney Tune from days gone by)

    6.) A clean white tshirt with a bright red crusader cross and the words “Onward Christian Soldiers” over it.

    7.) A picture of Stalin and Hitler with the words “The HRC is so last century”

  10. CHRC (logo), Lucy (photo?) CIC (logo)

    Oh, what a tangled web they weave…

    So help Mark, Ezra, and bloggers all, untangle their mess

    And leave the World Wide Web free for the rest of us to belss !

  11. to the tune of What The World Needs Now (with apologies to the incomparable Jackie DeShannon)

    What the world needs now,
    Is speech, free speech,
    It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of.
    What the world needs now,
    Is speech, sweet speech,
    No, not just for some but for everyone.

    Lord, we don’t need more state oppression,
    We’ve got commissions, HR inquisitions, so hard to bear
    We’ve got speech analysis, and speech paralysis
    More than enough to last ’til the end of time.

    What the world needs now,
    Is Steyn, Mark Steyn,
    Let him speak to us, hear what he has to say
    What the world needs now,
    Is Steyn, Mark Steyn,
    No, not just for some but for everyone.

  12. Free ( ) At Last
    I Thank God, I’m
    Free ( ) At Last
    Free (( )) At Last

    ( ) = image of a muzzled mouth
    (( )) = image of an un-muzzled mouth

    The Struggle Continues…
    Oppose Government Oppression of Free Speech

  13. All we are saying is Give Steyn A Chance. Or, When Steyn speaks, the mullahs listen. Or, It’s Steyn time again. Or, Steyn wrote; and having writ, wrote on. Or, Steyn when your culture’s breaking; Steyn when their fists are shaking… Or, It’s a Steyn of the times.

  14. A T-shirt for the little ones. “My mullah went to Gaza and all I got was this lousy suicide vest”. A coffee mug (with Mark’s mug on it). “Let Steyn Be Steyn”. A bumper-sticker ( or a yellow diamond sign in the rear window). “Careful! Kafir on board”. A bouncy pop tune. “It’s my Jihad and you’ll die if I wanna”. A stand-up comic’s joke. “So a Priest, a Rabbi and a Mullah all walk into a bar….BOOM!!” A public safety sign in Fallujah. “Caution: U.S. Marines may be closer than they appear.”

  15. T-shirt – I AM WARMAN! HEAR ME ROAR! above a picture of a cute little kitten saying ‘meow’ in very small letters. FMS

  16. (New Lyrics)
    ( or an Ode to Richard Warman)

    O Canada!

    Our home for Human Rights!
    Richard Warman, will teach us our commands.

    With glowing eyes he sees the rise,
    Of True Men who speak out,

    He’ll sue them now,
    O Canada, he’ll stand on guard for thee.

    He’ll keep our land, charging us big fees !
    O Canada, he’ll stand on guard for thee.

    O Canada, he’ll stand on guard for thee.

  17. I sent this by email but just in case.

    Human Rights Commission 14


    James Bredin

    They impose their hidden agenda with a cease-and-desist,
    Could inflict fines on ideas and we’re forbidden to resist,
    Shades of Stalin’s commissar courts and the gulag in the air,
    Where truth is no defense in this inquisition, so take care.

    Because only they will decide what is right and what is wrong,
    In the new religion of political correctness they are strong,
    And you can’t question their legitimacy or authority,
    Particularly if you are a member of the majority.

    So it appears that the old democracy is long gone,
    And in the new age society, you are no more than a pawn,
    Is it possible that none of our politicians know?
    Or are they too busy taxing, travelling and spending our dough?

    Great Canadian Poems: Human Rights Commission 14

  18. Song of the Week

    The North is Alive with the sound of Jadewarr

    That stirring first line almost didn’t make the cut for The Sound of Music. I had lunch once at the same table at an awards presentation with Rogers Hammerstein, one of the duo who created the world’s most famous first stanza of the world’s most popular movie musical.
    The old boy wasn’t quite dribbling his soup at that point in his life and was quite able to enthrall the entire group of us with the back story of this tune. The show opened in 2010 and has since become a sort of anthem for the Dominion In Exile (best known for it’s colorful acronym).
    “We wrote it shortly before the OHRC Anchloss took effect and people were still sniggering at the notion that Canada, of all places, would succomb to such a silly farce of a gang. It was a gag song, really, and then it took meaning and we debated long into the night whether it was such a grand idea to open with a gag line.”
    Grand idea it proved to be. RH was 47 years old when he wrote the Sound of Music and it has been noted for years that the original intent was to have it be a farcical romp. “We quite expected Adrea Julie to sing the lead – wrote it with her range in mind, in fact – expected a short run off Broadway at best,” he told the BBC in 2025. “More likely just a one-off show on some National Review cruise. Not much market for so-called conservative musicals at the time but we thought this one chap Steyn was slowly changing that.”
    By “Steyn,” of course, he refers to Mark Steyn a broadway show follower and, sadly, one of the early victims of what was to become known as Molsonnacht. At the time, Steyn was something of a darling of the center-right sort on both sides of the border between the U.S. and what was then called Canada.
    Though the first line was a gag aimed at Steyn’s nemisis – the man the world knows best now as Vice Marshal Warman, the rest of the infectious tune is earily prescient…

    With ideas they have dodged for a thousand years
    The North Chills my heart, with the sound of Jadewarr
    My Heart wants cry at the absuridity it hears

    The show ran on Broadway for 10 years, of course. The movie was even bigger and it had critics stunned from it’s unforgetable opening.
    “That long opening shot of Julie singing The Sound of Music and dancing on a hill was my idea,” Hammerstein told CNNBS News. “Having the New Canada bomber aircraft attempt to strafe her in slow motion, but fail due to poor maintenence and apathy was Jonah Goldberg’s idea.”
    Other songs from the show may have been more popular from time to time. Specifically “My Favourite Banned Words” a kiddie fav, and “The Lonely Mullah” from the puppet show scene far outsold Sound of Music in downloads. But Sound of Music is the one that everyone can hum along with still these 50 years hence. It is very hard for many of today’s generation to understand that there ever was a place called Canada. The bones of men like Steyn and Ezra Levant lie locked for millenia under the nearly one mile of ice that now covers land that once held vibrant cities as well as would-be commisars (who ironically took power partly under the promise that global cooling was not happening). All that’s left, then, are some scratchy old Celine Dion records and the stirring cry of Julie singing RH’s most famous tune…

    My lungs want to scream like the cry of Sea Gulls
    that rise from the beach to the trees
    My head starts to pound like a bang of war drums
    that waft from the north on a gentle breeze
    To run after fools like a man who has caught up an angry cause
    To sing through the night like a friend who has learnt not to pause

  19. The Mayor’s Tale by Geoffrey Chaucer

    Whan that Yeltsin bolde hys chaunce didde takke,
    The coup didde faile, and Russyan polytyk didde quakke.
    A toper copious he, as Godde wot, by anye stretche,
    A lovere of the sac, he ended up a wretche.

    A newe Boris doth crosse oure firmamente,
    Comedyan of the boxxe, and, straungely, eke in Parlamente.
    A Scholar of ye Classics, as is hys bente,
    Giveth he uppe, each year, Gaffes for Lente.

    A manne of prodygyous appetyte,
    Whan on a byke, he is a syghte,
    Than carres (eke gyrles) do see their plyghte,
    And on the instant do takke flyghte.

    Some of those Flete Strete scribes,
    So loyalle to theire bribes,
    Thisse idea theye like to scattere,
    Happenso he is madde as a hattere.

    Butte Londoneres shrewde do knowe
    Suche complayntes theye muste forgoe,
    There is onlie one thinge that doth mattere,
    They must have a Mayore who is fattere.

  20. A Big Buick’s license plate frame. “Ask me about why my grandchildren are all named Mohammad”.

  21. T-Shirt Idea:
    Front side:
    I’m MS and I’m not here to bail you out
    Back Side:
    I’m with the Federal gvt. and I’m here to help bail you out

  22. Canadian “Human Rights”
    100% Guaranteed!


    How’s my stalking?


    Save the Lawyers!
    Sue the “racists”.


    Free Speech!
    (except for the meanies)


    Got Mark?



    This could be with or without: READ MARK STEYN

    I think the first line is worth promoting, even without promoting the columnist.


  24. Steyn’s accent is funny because it’s so phony. He speaks in such an old-fashioned affected manner… nobody here in Britain actually talks that way (except maybe the late Queen mother??). He’s obviously putting it on as part of overcompensating for being a high school dropout.

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