The Fempire Strikes Back

Judge By The Cover: Not-Star Wars


~ AND WHY NOT judge books by the cover? They spend millions on cover art, right? If I ever see the new Star Wars movie, I’ll tell you in a new review how right I was in this review. Anticipatory ITYS, and you’re welcome.

Star Wars VII: The Fempire Strikes Back (SW:FU) is a fun two hours of pretty 3D, but– it is not Star Wars. Yes, I went there.

Now, I’m one of the neandersexual hopelessly-lost-cause dinosaurs the fembots have given up on: I’m a Summer of ’77 thirteen-timer at the Casino theatre in Halifax, seeing The Amazing. Star Wars? GOOSE BUMPS of joy and awe, EVERY time!

Ungh! Binks Computers Good!

Along with the Lord of The Rings books, and the Narnia series, SW:77 shaped my young life. I gave the Dark Lord George’s merchandise empire a ton of my hard-earned paper-boy money. The sequels were cultural events, eagerly awaited, without an internet or spoiler trailers. This was not soft-fascistic Star Trek: it was gritty and dangerous and real. Geek out!

Luke Is A Girl

“Anything She Can Do, You Can’t Do Better. You’re A Sexism.”

Then versus now– this is post-#GamerGate, when Identity politics and Social Justice Warrior dictates run amuck. No more geeking out: just being told off about teh evil mens. Again and again.

The new Luke? Nooby super-girl. The new Yoda? A 1000 year old female bartender. The new Leia? The wimpy black guy. The new Han Solo? Also the girl, but the old Han is now a sensitive mangina.. before he gets murdered by his nasty father-hating son. Chewie? A few cheap cameo-scenes. R2D2? Mostly unplugged.. i.e., won’t sell the toys, so there’s a new beach-ball robot BB-8. Villains? Nothing too serious… just a Darth Emo named Kylo Ren, who eventually gets his arse kicked by the nooby super-girl, after killing his dad.. Han Solo.

It’s SW:FU— dear male geeks & nerds, and all hard-core fan-boys and fangirls, original trilogy or prequel-lovers– FU! You will watch and love this, or you’re a sexist!

Begone archetypes, literature, the muses, and grand tales. Depart ye non-self-rescuing princesses in metal bikinis, young male heroes, and rogueish space captains who shot first. Let us sit and tell smirking tales of the drinking of male tears. SW:FU!

Star Wars The Feminist Force Awakens Spoiler Review Overview

Behold the Dark Ladies of the Sith, who exert malevolent control over the minds of the masses. We must to empower teh wimmins, and put teh mens in their place. Because reasons, and Patriarchals. Hence, The Farce Awakens. The Dark Ladies have a right– nay, the duty!– to break all the things and fix them in their form and image. Nothing must make us uncomfortable, or ask awkward questions, or bring our current all-knowingness into doubt.

Oh No You Don’t


Dear derivative director Dark Lord Jar Jar Abrams, and the writers of SW:FU– hands off. Star Wars is not yours, any more. It’s not even George Lucas’ any more, not to mention EvilMouseCorp. It belongs to the fans. Remember them? ALL the fans, especially we first ones.

Hence the rising tide of backlash to this movie and the mentality behind it on Twitter, The YouTubes, blogs, and other free (dare we say Rebel?) forms of media. Hands off our stuff, you crazy people.

Artistic Hubris

Fiddling and erasing and– in the case of this movie– jettisoning the whole meaning, and point of the original trilogy? Just no. Why bother– except for ideology?

Recall: Vader repented, and killed the Emperor. Luke & the former Rebels won. This is not some dreary university where the academic radicals keep pissing and whining at the old books and wrong-think profs and uppity students until everybody falls into line, forgets the wrong-think, and a sleepy Marxist victory is won, where the answer to all the questions becomes ‘Feminism’, or whatever the old Imperial bullies happen say it is.


Authentic art– even derivative Hollywood art like Star Wars (movie Westerns, Swashbucklers, Flash Gordon, Akira Kurosawa, WW2 War movies)– has a kind of integrity of its own. It is our hubris to imagine that we can make the muses into sockpuppets for propaganda; to mine the past for incorrect messages, and unwrite them. Even Lucas himself couldn’t respect his own past efforts, with his tweaks and fiddling and digital interference with the original trilogy, not to mention the green-screen blandness of the three regrettable ‘Prequels’.

Baaa Baaa Baaa

The worst comment I’ve heard reported was that for some movie-goers, this rehash of the first Star Wars and bits of the original trilogy is “even better than the original“. Let despair commence!

Why so serious? Because this horrid sheep-like approval is what the mind-controllers of academia, culture, the media, politics, and movies want: for people to become so accustomed to the permitted perimeter fence of allowable ideas and feelings, that their response is “New non-awkward non-micro-agressing Star Wars! I can stay in my intellectual baby-blanket! Yaaaaaay!”


What next after Star Wars VII: The Fempire Strikes Back? Maybe Star Wars VIII: The Trans Arises. Or perhaps Star Wars IX: Non-Triggering Safe Spaces. Followed by Star Wars X: Kill Teh Patriarchals! And the grand finale?– why, Star Wars XI: Return Of The Slut Walkers. The mind boggles.

This is a serious war by non-military means: a political and a culture war. If you will not sit up and take notice and comment and talk back and demand better (or refuse to see the latest brainwash), then this becomes the new normal for your kids, grand-kids, Hollywood, and our society.

Be a true rebel. ~

Saith teh



2 thoughts on “The Fempire Strikes Back

  1. It’s not just Star Wars. It’s pretty much every action movie over the past couple of years. Women seem to have taken over the traditionally male action hero role. I guess in the future boys action heroes will be female. It’s disgusting. One more step towards the feminization of the human male. I am so sick of seeing women beating the crap out of males in movies and women behaving like men.
    Did you also notice that the bad guys light saber was shaped like a Christian flat sword?
    Also did you notice that the stormtrooper captains were female?

    1. Nucking Futs, Warren– and yes, most action movies are literally written beat-for-beat according to a movie script writing guide from a few years back (Save The Cat.. and Salon critique: ), along with stupid media/ movie companies.

      They are all becoming the same movie.

      BTW, after people described the Solo death-scene to me, I instantly had a better rewrite (if you’re going with the scene in the first place). Solo falls to the bridge-surface, we close up on his face, blood trickling from his lip, he lifts his head, gasps “Leia! Luke!”, and then close shots in quick succession of both of them, aware by the Force that this beloved hero has fallen (plus the ironic ending, since Solo was always skeptical of the Force in SW1). Then, he dies. Darth Douche can kick him into the pit.. or, as perhaps Darth Douche has a moment of remorse, the dying Solo crawls off the bridge so he can’t be healed & tortured & turned, or worse. Last worthy act of a mighty hero, and a defiant scoundrel. Amirite?

      Yeah. geezer webelf can write better than a Disney committee of accountants and Jar Jar Abrams. That’s where we are in 2015-6. Everything’s empty, and baldly derivative. If I’d been Abrams, I’d have tried a few story-lines out on a select group of geeks, who could polish, improve, and nerd-up the story as it went along, with all the fixin’s.

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