The Non-Losers

GRAND PRIZE WINNER

With apologies to G&S:

I am the very model of a human right commissioner.
I listen to and weigh in on the claim of each petitioner.
My Weltanshauung’s Left and I want everyone to think like me.
And when they don’t I must say that it is the biggest mystery.

I’m very well acquainted, too, with elements heretical
I understand what activates and keeps them so kinetical.
About “hate speech” I’m well apprised and verging on the Stalinist.
And my deliberations are a fact that they cannot resist.

I’ve swallowed all the Kool-Aid of the Trudeau multi-culti cult
And what you see before you is the ultimate and end result.
In short, like a contemporary Spanish inquisitioner.
I am the very model of a human rights commissioner!

I know our mythic history from way back in the 70s.
I ask the trenchant questions and subject folks to the third degree.
I sat there, stunned, as Ezra’s eloquence hit like a tsunami
And told him he’s entitled to opinions–yes, most “certainly”.

I want you all to think nice thought and always act with politesse
‘Cause if you don’t you must agree we’ll be stuck with an awful mess.
In short, consider me society’s “niceness” conditioner
And heed the very model of a human rights commissioner.

– Scaramouche

SECOND PLACE

– Dave Davies

THIRD PLACE

Imagine that you’re having a bad dream with a sound track added…

THE FREE-SPEECH MASH (”MONSTER MASH” 😉

I WAS SURFING ON THE WEB LATE ONE NIGHT
WHEN MY EYES BEHELD A SCARY SIGHT
FOR RICK WARMAN’S LEGAL BRIEFS BEGAN TO RISE
AND SUDDENLY TO MY SURPRISE

HE SUED LEVANT (HE WANTS TO SUE LEVANT)
EZRA LEVANT (AND SCORE A TAX-FREE GRANT)
BUT WARMAN CAN’T (HEAR HIS PATHETIC RANT)
DEFEAT LEVANT (HE’LL NEVER BEAT LEVANT)

FROM ACROSS THE SERVERS IN THE GREAT WHITE NORTH
TO THE FEDERAL COURTROOMS WHERE DECREES GO FORTH
FREESPEECHERS CAME FROM ALL OVER THE NET
TO HELP PAY OFF EZRA’S LEGAL DEBTS.

THEY DID THE MASH (THEY DID THE FREE-SPEECH MASH)
THE FREE-SPEECH MASH (THEY PONIED UP THE CASH)
THEY DID THE MASH (THEY SHELLED OUT IN A FLASH)
THEY DID THE MASH (THEY MADE A FREE-SPEECH STASH)

THE BLOGGERS WERE FEELING FINE
THE WITNESSES WERE DIVINE
THE GUESTS INCLUDED BINKY
JAY CURRIE AND MARK STEYN

SHIRLENE MC GOVERN ASKED HIM “WHAT’S YOUR INTENT?”-
EZRA RESPONDED, “YOU CAN ALL GET BENT!”
EL-MASRY’S CONGRESS TRIED TO SMASH DOWN THE DOOR
WITH HIS LAW-SCHOOL SHILLS, THE SOCK PUPPET FOUR

FORGET LEVANT (THEY DIDN’T WANT LEVANT)
NO NOT LEVANT (THOSE LAWYERS-IN-SHORT-PANTS)
IT’S SUCH A PAIN (THEY DRIVE US ALL INSANE)
THEY’RE SO INANE (THEY WANT TO BUST MCLEAN’S)

OUT OF THE STAR CHAMBER CAME A CRY
SEEMS WARMAN’S CASH-COW WAS RUNNING DRY
HE OPENED THE DOOR, LET OUT A SCREAM,
AND SAID, “WHATEVER HAPPENED TO MY TAX-FREE MONEY SCHEME?”

WE’RE FIGHTING BACK (AND IT’S A SNEAK ATTACK)
WE’RE FIGHTING BACK (DOWN TO THE LAST MAN-JACK)
WE’RE FIGHTING BACK (WE’LL KICK YOUR ARSES BLACK)
YES WE’LL FIGHT BACK (WE’RE TAKING FREE-SPEECH BACK)

NOW EVERYTHING’S COOL ‘CAUSE WE’RE MAKING A STAND
AND THIS FREE-SPEECH THING IS THE LAW OF THE LAND
FOR YOU, THE LIBERAL, THIS RIGHT WAS MEANT TOO
WHEN YOU SHUT DOWN MY BLOG, TELL THEM LUCY SENT YOU

OR WE COULD MASH (LET’S DO THE FREE-SPEECH MASH)
PLEASE DON’T BE RASH (OR ELSE YOU MIGHT GET SMASHED)
COME ON AND MASH (DON’T START A HATE-SPEECH CLASH)
GET DOWN AND MASH (LET’S DO THE FREE-SPEECH MASH)

– Bob Ferdinand

FOURTH PLACE

Poposed T-shirt: “Oppose speech muzzle-ems: Support Mark Steyn!”

– Richard Ball

5th PLACE

Ballade on the Imprudent Utterances of Two Gentlemen

Said Ezra: “Well, it’s newsworthy, for one;
People are dying all around the world.
To what was meant for freedom, and for fun,
These killers flock as to a flag unfurled.
But more than this, such grim invective hurled
By foaming imams at unfettered speech
Confirms what I have long and always held:
That thoughts and words should lie beyond their reach.”

Said Mark: “Of all the subjects of the age,
The long, slow western suicide is one
That should, with Islam’s worldwide rise, engage
The minds of all who toil beneath the sun.
When imams say their battle’s just begun,
When pundits milquetoast tolerance beseech,
It’s vital, then, when all is said and done,
That thoughts and words should lie beyond their reach.”

But no: “That’s only your opinion, sirs;
We live in a plural society,
Where those whose ideas differ much from yours
Can drag you here, before this HRC,
And, laying out their grievances for free,
Suborn you to their feelings, each by each.
And all this done, how then, sirs, could it be
That thoughts and words could lie beyond our reach?”

Dear sirs, you have but thirty days to close
Your mouths, or failing that, perchance, to reach
Some amicable settlement with those
Who’d have your thoughts and words within their reach.

– Nick Milne

SIXTH PLACE

T-shirt: “Richard Warman and the Canadian Human Rights Commission: where “human rights” means always having to say you’re sorry”

– Chris Chan

Honourable Mention

Ezra fit de battle of Ottawa, Ottawa, Ottawa;
Ezra fit de battle of Ottawa
And the CHRT came a tumblin’ down.

You may talk about the man of Gideon,
You may talk about the man of Saul,
There’s none like good ol’ Ezra, and the battle of Ottawa.

Up to the walls of Ottawa
He marched with spear in hand;
“Go blow them ram horns,” Ezra cried,

“for the battle is in my hand.”

Ezra fit de battle of Ottawa, Ottawa, Ottawa;
Ezra fit de battle of Ottawa
And the CHRT came a tumblin’ down.

– Frank Hilliard